Monthly Archives: March 2010

Buttock Cheek Gashes? Seriously?

Last week I was having coffee with a friend and we were swapping stories of the ridiculous ways people find our respective blogs.  We both started our blogs in May 2009 (total coincidence), and since then we’ve been entertained by the searches that bring people to our sites.

It’s no lie that a percentage of our readers find our blogs purely via Bing/Google as they’re on their way to finding something else.  It’s also not a lie what they type into that little search box; in most cases, it’s just my name or the name of my blog.  In many cases, I’m embarrassed for them.  Let me show you why…

A List of the Most Bizarre Search Engine Terms that Lead to My Blog

chicken feet got paralyzed
You paralyzed your chicken?!  Shouldn’t you be searching for a tiny chicken cast?

sliced my leg
You might want to get off the computer and get to a hospital.

things that become engulfed
Ew.

airplane etiquette switching seats
By far the most searches that lead to my site are about etiquette (besides the searches for the blog name or my name).  Especially airplane etiquette.  Keep in mind next time you fly that everyone around you is watching your etiquette.  Thoughtful?  Absolutely.  Pressure?  Huge.  

buttock cheek gashes
I don’t know which bothers me more — the fact that this person is using a search engine rather than a medical facility, the fact that I can identify, or that it’s plural.

women attaining the learning of her husband
The archaic Bible-sounding searches never fail to creep me out.

like yoga hate downward facing dog
In other words, “I like a toned body but hate working out.” 

moms under table no panties
Can’t…even…form…response.

man woman champagne
I’ll leave you two alone.

chicken’s foot seems to be paralyzed
How many people have paralyzed chickens!?  And honestly, how can you tell the difference between a functioning chicken foot and a paralyzed one?  Last I recall, most chicken feet are pretty tough little suckers. 

boyd’s bear named abby
THE HORROR!  THERE BETTER NOT BE A BOYD’S BEAR WITH MY NAME ON IT!

good word for unattractive
Fugly.

person who is good with words
And you chose my site?  Aw, shucks. 

michael reph
Um, will the woman who is Googling my husband please step forward?

whistler and blackcomb belly laugh and
This is just weird because someone lifted a sentence from my blog and then tried to search for it.  You think I plagiarized?  Why would I steal mediocre writing when I can just do it myself?

abby reph good writing
That one is always good for the ego.

arrivederci response
Good to know people are looking to me for help with their Italian.

how to write awkward email to acquaintance
If you really want it to be awkward, I’m sure you can accomplish that all on your own.

chilran reph muvi
I can only assume this was somehow taking my surname in vain.  In which case, how dare you!

Next week a new guest blogger makes her debut, regaling us with tales of working in the inner city school system of Philadelphia.  Trust me, you won’t want to miss this one.

5 Comments

Filed under AwkWORD (Humor)

The 2010 Olympics: A First-Hand Account

What kind of a blogger would I be if I didn’t head directly to the source of the hottest thing around and give you a full report?

May I present:  The 2010 Olympics, A First-Hand Account.

And what better way to showcase the Games than by award?  Here I will rate each aspect of our experience on the gold/silver/bronze spectrum.  We traveled to Whistler, BC with Phil and Rachel Goodman (Mike’s sister and her husband).

They win the first gold medal for best traveling companions:

Bronze Medal for Obligatory Tourist Photo in Whistler Village:

Silver Medal for Encounter with Celebrity Gold Medal Athlete Bode Miller at Men’s Super G Event:

Gold Medal for Getting Actual Olympic Athlete to Hold Our Stuffed Animal (Rachel gets ALL the credit for swallowing her pride to achieve this feat):

Gold Medal for Witnessing a US Gold Medal Win (Four Man Bobsleigh) While Standing at the Finish Line:

Silver Medal for International Cell Phone Charges Due to Friends and Family Texting to Say They Saw us on TV at Bobsleigh Event: See video here (at about 3:27).

Silver Medal for Managing to Stay Upright During Blizzard (Rachel, shown here, kicking serious tail):

Now let’s talk about the nighttime activities.  Few things make one feel as wild as being at a once-in-a-lifetime event.  That is all I will say about the following photo except to add that despite appearances, very minimal drinking actually occurred this evening.  Laura (in pink) and Annie (in blue), my dear friends who were also in the Village for the Games, pulled me (in black) in for some fun.

Gold Medal for Olympic-Fever-Induced Dancing on Bar:

Bronze Medal for Most Bizarre Winter-Themed Party in Village (a bar made of ice, complete with glasses carved out of ice, and complimentary parka upon entry, as shown by Mike and Laura):

By far the most exciting event was the US/Canada men’s hockey game, the final event of the Olympics.  We joined Annie, Laura and some insane Canadian fans at Garibaldi’s to watch the game.  We fully represented in our tiny corner of the bar:

Despite a fantastic, blood-pumping rally by the US with their goal to tie the game, the Canadians won and madness ensued:

We were almost fearful to leave the bar, given that we were the official enemy.  But what we never expected, not in a million years, was that as we took to the streets to face the throngs of victorious Canucks, we were treated like celebrities — or circus freaks, depending on how you look at it.  We stood in the middle of the Village and not one minute would pass without people coming up to take their photo with us, to thank us for coming, to tell us that we were good neighbors and good sports.  We were blown away.

On second thought, it might have had something to do with the hats.

Occasionally someone would gloat obnoxiously, but we were intentional about being the first to extend a hand and say, “Congratulations on your win!”  They would always react the same tail-between-the-legs way — “Huh?  Oh, yeah man, good game!  We love you guys!”  We felt like Goodwill Ambassadors for the United States; the six of us were representing 300 million US citizens, so we were on our best behavior.

They even wanted us to pose with their Canadian dogs!  Please disregard small child with finger in nose.

I’ve never felt such effusive international camaraderie.  We didn’t want it to end.  We kept thinking, “How will we ever feel this way again?”  And then it occurred to us…

Gold Medal for Being Fully Prepared for the 2014 Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia:

 

4 Comments

Filed under One WORD (Current Events)