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Life as Five

All I can say is this: I did not know children like this actually existed.  Apart from movies, fairy tales, and suburban legends, I didn’t know babies could be this, shall we say, agreeable.

The twins were not difficult babies either.  They never cried excessively, slept pretty well, ate well, and were easy to handle, apart from the fact that there were two of them.  But Hunter?  Hunter seems to be openly competing for favorite child right out of the gate.

If this sounds like bragging, I promise you it is not.  This is not me holding my child in the sky, Simba-style, for all to admire.  This is me standing next to you, pointing at Mr. HT and saying, “How is this possible?  Let’s not even discuss it further or we may jinx it.”

To celebrate turning ten weeks old on Sunday, he decided to sleep through the night — ten straight hours.  I woke up, looked at the clock, and like all good mothers, promptly assumed my baby was dead.  Once I confirmed he was alive and well, I basically danced a jig.

But he’s been this way all along.  From day one he has slept three to four hours, eaten, and gone right back to sleep.  At six weeks we put him in his own crib all night and he started sleeping six hour stretches.  Then eight.  But I thought it would take months for him to go from 8PM to 6AM.

You know what?  I’m going to stop talking about it.  I may jinx it.

But before I move on, let’s look at the child who I’m still convincing myself is real.

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Here he is at nearly six weeks, covering my torso like a five month old.

He also continues to be enormous.  At his two month check-up a week ago, he weighed 14 lbs 4 oz.  It took Henry six months to weigh that much.  His feet are larger than the imprints we have of Arden and Henry at six months.  He wears six month onesies.  He lifts weights and requests protein shakes.

The twins are over their initial indifference/rage and now always ask where he is if he’s napping or kiss him aggressively.  So far we’ve had no acts of violence, but they do tend to lose their minds whenever Mike holds him.  It’s getting better, but for the first eight weeks you’d think Mike was filling out adoption papers the way they threw themselves on the ground in despair.  No, we are not selling you nor replacing you, we just want Mommy to make dinner to keep us all alive, so Daddy has to hold the baby for ten minutes.

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The real reason we’re doing as well as we are is the amount of help we are receiving.  My sister Erin comes nearly every day, my mom comes a couple of times a week, and my mother-in-love comes at least once a week.  I am overflowing with helpful hands, without which I may very well be drowning.  Whenever people ask how I’m doing with three, I sort of want to say I don’t know yet, because I’m not doing this alone.

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I did do most of a day alone for the first time this week, and it wasn’t as difficult as I expected, but I was reminded of how grateful I am to have such incredible women who care about us so deeply.

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Henry and Arden turn two on Sunday, and I’m thrilled and joyful for this milestone.  Okay, I am 80% happy and 20% totally in denial that they’re aging at all.  I will readily admit that the fact that in six months they will be halfway to kindergarten crushes my soul.

On the hardest days, the ones that feel like the work of child-rearing is a feat so burdensome it must be impossible, I remind myself that this time is finite.  And in that moment I am both totally relieved and completely bereft that these effervescent cherubs will one day leave their childhood behind.  I have never felt such a schizophrenic array of emotions inside the span of a day.

All of this gives me such happy anticipation for all that is ahead for Hunter.  I feel like I have forded the river of the first two years with Henry and Arden, and now I’m ferrying the boat back to pick up Hunter and make the journey again.  The structure is the same, but every crossing has its own wild currents, stray logs, and smooth waters.  I’ll end the metaphor before I’m losing oxen and axles a la Oregon Trail, but it’s a remarkable privilege to get to do this more than once.

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A Peek Inside Life as a Mama of Three

A great friend of mine, Julianne Schneider, recently became a mother for the third time, and since I’m about to join that club I thought it apropos to do a little Q and A to focus my binoculars on that field a yonder that I’m traveling toward.  Julie, alongside her husband Jeff, is the proud mama of Brayden, 4, Luke, 2, and Samuel, two months.  She recently moved back to her home state of Wisconsin after living in Seattle for seven glorious years, and is experiencing the unique culture shock of one transplanted home again.  She’s a board-certified teacher by trade but is spending this year as a stay-at-home-mom. This exchange took place when Sam was only four weeks old.

Thank you, Jules, for sharing with us! IMG_5310 WBO:  First things first: are you keeping your head above water?
Julie:   We are doing as well as could be expected. We keep waiting for the floor to fall out, but that hasn’t happened yet. Perhaps, once we all get sick, then it will collapse. We are tired, but we are managing. I am very thankful that Brayden is at 4k in the morning, so I don’t feel guilty not playing with him and giving him the attention he wants (but doesn’t always need).

WBO:  What’s the hardest part about having three?
Julie:  The hardest thing about having all three is their needs are all so different! Brayden wants to play with Legos, Luke wants to destroy Lego creations (or eat them), and Samuel wants to be held. Harmony is impossible at these moments. For this reason, I am very thankful for PBSkids which keeps Luke entertained (and away from Brayden’s intricate Lego creations) while I am feeding Samuel, showering, or heaven forbid, feeding myself. Yes, TV is a great babysitter, and thankfully safe and teaches him a few things. I used to feel guilty about this with Brayden; now we are more in survival mode, so what the heck…I watched Sesame Street and I still went to college.

WBO:  Is there anything that surprised you because it wasn’t as hard as you expected?
Julie:  I think the transition wasn’t hard because we are already in kid mode. We don’t go out to dinner or fancy ski trips to the Alps. We don’t feel like we are missing anything anymore, which may be what makes having kids hard to begin with. The kids provide our daily adventure. Going from one to two made things harder, and pulled us both into the parenting, with less breaks. Now we are both in, and when Jeff is home, he knows what to do — no directions. I feel like we are a well-oiled machine. We just keep moving. No down time until all the kids are sleeping and we have dark chocolate and Netflix as a reward.

WBO:  What have people’s reactions been to you having three boys?
Julie:  Their reaction to three boys is very predictably, “Oh, you will have you hands full!” or “Will you try for a girl?” The cool thing about having three boys I learned is that once you have a third boy you enter this secret society of other moms with 3+ boys. During my delivery (we didn’t know what we were having), the OB who delivered Samuel and my actual OB were hoping I would have a third boy, as they both do.  After Samuel was born, they stuck around to share their joys of having three boys and welcomed me to the “club.” We seemed to share a common bond of living in the shear craziness of boyhood. We commiserated over not having calm tea parties or arts and craft sessions. Rather, they shared how exciting and loud their homes were.  My personal reaction to having three boys is of gratitude. As I reflect on the adventures I have already had with these guys, I recognize that God has equipped me to be a mother of boys. I truly believe it was all part of His plan. I don’t get super excited about the wrestling matches or bug catching. But I love building Legos, playing chase, and I already have the basketball hoop picked out to play basketball with them. I am also thrilled that I will probably never ever have to kill a spider again. Brayden has already taken over that role when Jeff is not around. If we never have a daughter, a curiosity may exist for what she would have been like, but never a disappointment. IMG_5508 WBO:  Is it hard coordinating different schedules?  Like feeding Sam so often but the others just three meals (plus snacks)?  Or managing different nap schedules?
Julie:  Brayden and Luke essentially have the same schedule. To bed at 7 and up between 6-6:30. Brayden doesn’t nap anymore, but from 12:30-3 is quiet time at our house. Brayden either reads books, plays Legos, watches a show, plays iPad games, or him and I do “learning time.” Feeding them all isn’t really that big of an issue, I mostly just get tired of doing dishes. I am thankful that Samuel doesn’t require any dishes.

WBO:  What adjustments did you have to make in terms of gear? A new car? A different stroller?  Sharing rooms? Julie:  We have a big car (Honda Pilot), but had to put Brayden in the third row to avoid all three in the same row. There would be way too much poking going on, and separation is good. Brayden and Luke both have their own rooms, and the baby is living in my closet. Our master is on the first floor, so I don’t think Samuel will be moving upstairs until he is mostly sleeping through the night.

WBO:  Are there other kids in your new neighborhood that your kids can get together with?
Julie:  We are thankful for new neighbors who organize playdates, and this entertains the older boys, especially when it is wicked cold out! The pent up energy needs to get released somewhere, and I am only up for so many games of hide-n-go-seek or chase before I need a break.

WBO:  Tell us what it’s been like moving back to Wisconsin as a family, since you left as an engaged couple.
Julie: Even though we grew up in the area, we feel like transplants, since it has been almost 15 years since we lived in this area. Sometimes I tell a small lie when I meet people, and just tell them we are from Seattle, so they don’t assume I know more about the area than I do.  We are experiencing some culture shock, good and bad. People are super friendly, but sometimes close-minded, or maybe it’s just more that they don’t know what they don’t know since they haven’t left the ten mile radius where they grew up.

WBO:  As a parent, what are some of the more obvious differences between Seattle and Wisconsin?
Julie:  I find the playdates to always be interesting…I was surprised at my first playdate and the type of foods that were served. Really, Cheetos? For 4-year-olds. The moms in Seattle would have a heart attack. I am not sure if I appreciate less pressure now that I am not expected to make kale-carrot smoothies, homemade granola, etc., or more pressure to do more to counteract the influx of junk food. Brayden is currently obsessed with Cheetos since kids on this bus bring them for snack everyday. I am standing my ground on this one though — no Cheetos. To show my resolve, I got him sushi at Trader Joe’s yesterday and reminded him that this was his favorite food in Washington, and not Cheetos. We talked about how the carrots in the California Roll were natural orange, and Cheetos were fake orange, like eating a Crayon.

WBO:  Does babyhood seem to go faster with each child?
Julie:  Yes! But I think isn’t that true of the time of life in general? I feel like each year keeps going by faster and faster. I really can’t believe I am 32 or that I will have a 5 year old this spring. The newborn phase with all three boys was a blur, and it is so short, just mere weeks before they start smiling, maintaining eye contact, filling out, and holding up their heads. I am not sure it feels faster. I think the biggest difference is you don’t hyperanalyze every change, as you know the next day it will be something different. The old adage of “the days are long, but the years are short” becomes more and more true.

WBO:  How do you manage to keep your spirits up when it’s just.so.much.work?
Julie:  Despite the loss of down time, there is so much laughing (and crying and screaming and whining) in our house. The noise is incessant, but amazing. Our home feels alive, and there is always something going on. It’s exciting to see them grow, and seeing how quickly they go from a baby to a boy, so we try not to wish this time away. Seeing how they are starting to develop relationships between each other is so exciting. Luke adores Brayden, and can’t wait for him to get home. Both big boys adore Sam, and Brayden is the master at holding him and getting him to stop crying. So in short: it’s tiring, but awesome. The highs definitely outweigh the lows.

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Thank you so much for sharing with us, Julie!  You are one amazing mama (and I will be calling you once I cross this threshold).

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A Day in the Life At 18 Months

It almost feels silly doing a day in the life at eighteen months, because compared to the first time I did this at twelve weeks, it’s an absolute laugh.  The new mom of newborns I was then could not even imagine how easy it would be now, and in fact would have resented anyone telling her it would be, because “now” was so far away.  My “now” looks like laying on a hammock with a margarita compared to my “then.”  But, that’s only by comparison.  It’s still a ton of work, as we shall see.

6:15AM Henry is babbling in his bed.  Since he can talk now, when he’s had enough babbling, he says “Mama, Mama!” which is as impossible to resist as it sounds.  It’s also a bummer because I can’t lie to myself and say he’s loving life in his crib, and therefore buy ten more minutes.  I pick him up and carry him into bed with us, where he lies next to me sucking his thumb and tenderly stroking my face. Bliss.

6:45AM Arden is awake.  “Mama!  Dada!”  Mike runs to get her and we all pile in bed for cuddles and silly talk time.

7:15AM  Mike is showering and I’m getting dressed for the day, after changing two diapers.  I stall as long as possible because it’s more fun to hang out as the four of us than it is to go downstairs in the dark and start breakfast.  How many more weeks until the sun is up at this hour?  Infinity weeks?

7:30AM  I carry the twins downstairs, thinking with every step that the day is approaching when I probably shouldn’t carry them at the same time, due to my burgeoning belly.  But that day is not today, and I vow to do more down-steps practice with them later today.  I make them a green smoothie (one glass, two straws), and we sit on the floor picnic-style while they slurp.

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7:45AM  I make Mike’s coffee and he joins us downstairs for a drawn-out Daddy goodbye.  I then make my own breakfast of Greek yogurt, sliced banana, and a drizzle of honey. I sit in peace and read the latest on the interwebs while the twins play in the family room (in full view; I’m not a monster).

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8:00AM We play, read, sing, look for the garbage truck if it’s Tuesday, and run around having fun.  If it were Tuesday or Thursday we’d be prepping to leave for Mommy and Me class or Kindermusik (much, much more effort), but instead we’re just having a normal day at home.

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9:15AM  I coax the babies upstairs to change into their clothes for the day, and realize I’m more than ready for the break that accompanies their nap.

9:30AM  Down for naps!  Now it’s time for some combination of: a workout DVD, shower, a devotional, quick emails/calendar updates, throw in a load of laundry if it’s laundry day, and eat a second breakfast (I am pregnant, after all).  If I know my mom, dad, sister or mother-in-love are coming over to help, I’ll do everything but shower, using that precious time when they’re playing with the kids.

10:30AM  The babies are awake and ready for the steel-cut oatmeal with cinnamon I’ve prepared.  We do another picnic-style snack and then change diapers.

11:00AM  The weather is cooperating so we head outside for a stroller walk — which sounds simple, but it takes considerable time putting on four shoes and four socks, two coats and two hats, along with my own shoes and outerwear.  Especially if my little subjects are unzipping what I’ve zipped and untying my laces as I put on my jacket.

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After our walk we spend time toddling around the front yard, easily their favorite activity.

12:00PM  Let’s practice going down the stairs on our bellies, shall we?  Let’s prep for the day when Mama can hardly bend at the waist.

12:30PM  Lunch is upon us.  I try to make something different every day, but it’s generally a rotation of the same five to eight things.  They’re good eaters, thankfully.  My mom arrived half an hour ago and is an enormous help in entertaining them while I prepare food and then helps feed them so I can make my own lunch too.  Such luxury.

1:00PM  While my mom watches the kids, I’m out the door for groceries or other errands, along with doing one “extra” chore of the day (like bathrooms or vacuuming, something beyond just daily cleanup).  If she weren’t here, we’d make like players and play play play play play.  Burn that energy!  Stimulate those little minds!

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2:30PM  Down for naps!

2:40PM  I use the first part of their nap/my break for dinner prep, so I make whatever I can ahead of time and store it in the refrigerator.

3:15PM  Then…this as my true rest time.  I get a snack, check my phone for messages to reply to, turn on a favorite show or grab a book, and force myself to sit for as long as possible.  Sometimes I take a nap if my preggo body needs it.  Mostly I just absorb the sweet, sweet silence and peace that I’ve come to treasure.

4:30PM  Babies are up!

4:45PM  After a little quiet wake up time, we head outside for another walk.  It’s staying light later and later and we love the chance to get outside one more time.

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5:15PM  I make dinner while the kiddos play in the family room (again, fully visible).

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5:30PM  Mike is home!  Praise the Lord, and the cacophony of twin joy descends on him as he lights up at the sight of them.

5:45PM  Dinner is served and we soak up family time, all around the table together.

6:15PM  Mike cleans the dishes while I play with the bambinos, and then he joins us for family play time.  He turns on kid music and we dance around like fools and laugh hysterically at Henry and Arden’s moves.

7:10PM  Bath time.  In other words, their Happiest Place on Earth.

7:30PM  Pajamas, diapers, tooth-brushing, lotion-applying, story-reading, prayers-saying, loves and kisses and hugs goodnight.

7:45PM  Parent party time!  Which looks a lot like Netflix and sweet treats.

10PM  We’re in bed.  Asleep.  And I have to say, tired in the best possible way.

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