Raindrops on Roses

Yesterday I was at Trader Joe’s for my weekly grocery run, and as I waited in the checkout line I looked out the door to the parking lot.  It had been lightly sprinkling when I’d come in, but now it was a colossal downpour rarely seen in Seattle.  I looked down at my clothes: no raincoat.  Earlier that morning, like an idiot, I’d told myself “April showers, May flowers…who needs a raincoat?”

After paying, I pushed my cart outside and stood under the awning.  I took one step out from under it and was splattered in drenching rain.  I jumped back and spent thirty seconds debating how long would be too long to wait for the rain to pass, but decided that was a truly pathetic response for a nearly fifteen-year Seattleite.  In order to reduce the soak, I visualized my approach like a sprinter pictures crossing the finish line — I’d unlock the doors, grab both grocery bags, open the door, toss both bags inside, and then hurry back to return the cart.

It was all planned.  What’s that they say about the best-laid plans?

I dashed along the sidewalk to my car, which was parked in front of the building, so I didn’t have far to go.  I grabbed the handle of the cloth bag and the handle of the paper bag and stepped off the curb to move toward the car door.  I never saw the cement parking stop that caught both of my feet — I fell so fast I didn’t even realize I’d fallen.  I was standing one moment, and the next I was lying face-first in an inch of water, all of my groceries splayed out before me.  My mind raced to catch up to what was happening, but all I could think was “Why is the puddle red?”  Suddenly I realized a bottle of wine had shattered and was soaking not just the cement but my groceries, too.

“Oh my gosh are you OK?” a woman behind me asked.  She looked truly horrified and stopped to stare.

“I’m fine, I think,” I replied, not knowing which way was up.  “I think I’m fine.”  I finally stood up and tried to triage the situation.  As the rain continued to pour, I couldn’t decide what was most urgent — my cell phone lying face down in water, my leather purse lying on its side in the water, or both bags of groceries which were now soaked through.  It’s incredibly bizarre how the brain functions when it’s in minor shock — all of this seemed to last for forty-five minutes, but actually occurred in about twenty seconds.

I picked up my purse, keys and cell phone and threw them over my shoulder.  I grabbed the cloth bag which wouldn’t break on the bottom, and determined that the groceries inside were mostly OK.  I threw it in the car, splattering a pint of water all over the seat.  I gingerly picked up the shattered glass fragments from the concrete and put them in the disintegrating paper bag with the ruined groceries.  It occurred to me just then that I’d now have to re-shop for all of these items, and the thought of it completely overwhelmed me.

I picked up the bag and carried it inside, in a daze.  I stood in the doorway dripping water from my hair and clothes, and put the bag down on the floor.  I looked around for an employee but couldn’t really get over the fact that I was standing in the middle of a grocery store fighting back tears, and didn’t want anyone to see me at all.  Finally I walked up to the nearest one who had a chipper can-I-help-you look until she turned and saw me and dropped her jaw.

“I need help,” I said feebly, “I fell in the parking lot and need a garbage can for my groceries…” I didn’t finish before she interrupted.

“Oh my gosh, oh you poor dear!  Are you OK?  Are you hurt?” she asked earnestly.

“I’m alright,” I replied, realizing for the first time that my left knee was actually throbbing and my left hand was scraped.  “I picked up the glass because I don’t want someone to get hurt…” I trailed off because she had already picked up my soaking bag and was guiding me toward the other side of the store.

“We’re going to get these replaced for you,” she said matter-of-factly, the idea of which had never even occurred to me.  “Just give me a moment while I see what you have here.”

I bit my lip to keep from crying because her kindness was all it would take to break the dam.  I grabbed a paper towel and started wringing the water out of my hair and off my clothes.  I looked down at my leather boots which were beyond help, and realized I was wearing leggings that should have torn, but were surprisingly intact.

The woman came out of the back room with a piece of paper and a basket and started running around the store filling it up with all of my ruined items.  I was shocked to see this and wanted to trail after her to tell her I could do it, but the odd thing was, I really couldn’t.  If they had thrown away my groceries I know I would have turned around and driven home without the items, because I was still shaking and my knee was aching.  Toss in my humiliated face and soaked clothes and you have someone who is not willing to wander the aisles for food.

I closed my eyes and heaved a major sigh of gratitude that the employees of Trader Joe’s were such angels.  In doing so, I must have looked even worse because a fellow shopper walked by, looked at me, and stopped.

“Arrrrrre you OK?” he asked.  I told him I was fine and mentally noted that however bad I thought I looked, it was probably twice that.

The lady with my groceries came back and said, “I’m so sorry but we’re all out of the ground flax seed you had in your bag, so we’re going to refund you for that.”  The idea that she was inconveniencing me with her lack of flax seed was so laughable that I did just that — I laughed.

I looked down at her name-tag and noted her name – Nancy – so I could write a composed thank you note, as I didn’t have the words to tell her thank you sufficiently.

Another employee walked up to me and handed me the two dollars and change for the flax seed, and then double-bagged my fresh groceries.  Just then Nancy came walking over with a bouquet of flowers, and I caught my breath at their generosity.

“Nancy, I can’t thank you enough.  I really am so embarrassed and I’m so grateful for your help,” I told her.  “The flowers are just above and beyond, I don’t know what to say.”

She instantly saw that I was one word away from bursting into tears, so instead she hugged me.

I walked to the car with my groceries and flowers, amazed at the kindness of strangers.  In the words of Anne Lamott, God was really showing off on this one.

I got in the car and finally cried like I’d wanted to since the moment I fell.  Except these tears weren’t just filled with a bruised knee and ego, they were also filled to overflowing with gratitude.

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Filed under The WORD (Faith)

Happy 3rd Birthday, WBO!

Today marks three years since I started this blogging adventure, and my relationship with it has grown quite complex.  Many bloggers fall into one of two categories: those who start with gusto, posting every day for a month before disappearing forever, or those who truly have it together, and post consistenly at least twice a week for years on end. 

I fall somewhere in the middle.  I don’t post every day, but I don’t leave it to collect dust for months either.  I have found great joy in writing here and sharing the absurdities of life that are important to me.  But, let’s be frank, this is not without effort.  Regular blogging isn’t for the casual journaler, and no one realizes this until they’ve been doing it for a year and they’ve run out of things to say.  THEN the work begins.

The tricky little catch-22 about blogging is that it’s a hobby, but it’s a hobby that involves other people.  Most hobbies are done alone, with knitting needles or scrapbooks or music as the only audience noting how often you participate in your hobby.  But with blogging, you are inviting other people to enjoy your hobby alongside you, and when you don’t, they get angry.

That’s the pain point — we bloggers love nothing more than having faithful readers, but it’s those same readers who crack the whip when I’m being lazy…which is often.  “Do you know it’s been two weeks?” they ask.  Yes, yes, I have felt every one of those fourteen days, I reply.  But I am not making time for it or I don’t have a topic or I’m just being lazy!  And they look at me like, ugh, pull it together.

Which, I’ll add, they have every right to do.  And I’m grateful, and that’s why I’m keeping at it.  I love this work, and I love my readers, and I love when they crack the whip.  So thank you, dear reader, for reading and for coming back for more.

Here’s to the next three years!

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Filed under ForeWORD (Intro)

Waiting for Lillian – Part 3

For Part 1, click here.  For Part 2, click here.

~~

With the sound of Rhianna pulsing from the room, we gathered in the hallway to listen for a sign that the baby had arrived.  We perked up at each voice encouraging Rachel to push, we leaned closer with each pause in sound, and we jostled for position closest to the door opening.  But after a mere five minutes with no baby, we realized our patience had diminished to that of a toddler awaiting Christmas morning.

We walked back to the waiting room because we were sure this was it, but we were also sure that we’d been sure before.  We were jaded.  We felt like we were too smart to be tricked again into believing we’d be meeting a new family member at any moment.  It was the most intense case of crying wolf any of us had experienced.

Chloe was the exception.  At nine years of age, Cami and Erik’s daughter didn’t have the cynical attitude of her adult peers.  She was darting between the waiting room and the delivery room as nervous as if she was the father.

That sort of energy tends to be contagious, and soon I was running into the waiting room with non-announcements like, “I can hear Phil talking!” and “There’s still music playing!”

Amidst all of the madness, Cami managed to compose a song about waiting for the baby to be born.  We were in awe that her creativity was not bound by her exhaustion, as she scribbled lyrics and hummed a melody while the rest of us could barely string thoughts together.  Later, she shared a song titled Worth the Waiting that beautifully captures the emotion of anticipating Baby Goodman.

Half an hour later the suspense got the best of us and we all gathered around the delivery room door again.  This time it was much more exciting, as Phil led Wendy and the nurses in counting to ten as Rachel pushed.  This had the effect of leading us to think that every time they said “Ten!” the baby would burst forth crying, so we’d clench up as they counted and then deflate when nothing happened after they hit double-digits.

Mike was past the point of fatigue since he’d been studying for finals throughout Rachel’s labor.  He turned to walk back to the waiting room, saying, “This is not happening.  I know this is another false hope.  I’ll be reading.  Come get me when it’s really happening.”  I tried to convince him to stay but the weariness in his eyes told me it was a lost cause.

Twenty minutes later seven nurses came rushing down the hall and into Rachel’s room.  This was new.  This was alarming, and this was a sure sign to all of us that the baby was finally, truly going to be born.

I ran down the hall and into the waiting room to tell Mike that this was actually it, and I promised the baby would be here in minutes and he did not want to miss this.  His eyes lit up just as I knew they would and we ran back to the room together.

Usher suddenly burst into song and I said this is the perfect song for the baby to be born to; “Without You” was playing and we started dancing in the hallways, wailing about how we couldn’t live without baby Goodman.

“One, two, three, four, five…” Phil was counting and yelling, “You can do it!  Come on, baby!”  Colleen started recording the sound on her iPhone and we pushed the door open a little further so we could hear every sound.

At 9:25PM the song changed to “Good Feeling” by Flo Rida and Phil counted one more time.  Suddenly they all stopped yelling at once and we heard the tiniest, faintest cry, and the world stopped turning for what seemed like hours and we all grabbed each other as tears filled our eyes.  We heard Phil say “she” and we started saying “Did he say She? It’s a girl, isn’t it!?  It’s a girl!” and then Wendy opened the door and exclaimed, “It’s a girl!” and we all hollered and yelled “Lillian!  Lillian is here!  It’s a GIRL!” until we couldn’t think.

“And her CHEEKS!  You should see her cheeks, oh my gosh wait til you see them!” she added.  Then she went back in the room to take pictures.  “Clair de Lune” began playing in the room, and we all sighed at what a perfect choice it was.  Phil and Rachel had selected it to be played immediately after the birth so that throughout their lives when they heard that song they’d be transported back to that room, and that moment.

Phil later told me he was so emotional and swept up in Lillian’s birth that he didn’t even hear the song until a nurse commented on what a nice song it was.  Then he heard it and began to sob.

Colleen, Mike, Cami and I were texting furiously, updating everyone who had been with us on this journey.  I reported to Lindsay at 9:40PM that she was 8lbs 13oz, and at 9:43 she asked how Rach was but I said we hadn’t been let in yet.  Looking back now, I can’t believe that we stood outside that room for twenty minutes waiting to see Lillian.  It felt like two minutes.

Finally the seven nurses finished cleaning and left the room, and we were welcomed in.  Mike and I walked toward the heating lamp that Lillian was laying under, and we saw Phil standing beside her.  When we got closer we realized that she was clasping his finger in her hand, holding on with every ounce of her strength.  She was staring right at Phil, never once looking away, and he had tears streaming down his face.  We leaned over her and said, “Hello Lillian, hello baby girl.  We love you so much, we love you already.  Phil, she is beautiful!  She is gorgeous!  And she can’t take her eyes off of you!  She knows your voice!”  It was one of the most profound interactions I have ever seen; a man and his first-born child, so connected in her first moments of life that it appeared they were being reunited rather than introduced.

Rachel looked happy and relieved, and took Lillian in her arms and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she? She’s so beautiful,” and then looked at her and said, “You are good” in the softest voice, and I bit my lip to keep from crying.

Mike popped the champagne and passed out cups, and we raised our glasses to our newest family member, our lil Lil.  We thanked God for her and chatted, happily, about the shock we were all feeling that she really was here.  We told Rachel that she was a warrior, a mighty woman we all admired and of whom were so, so proud.

After that, the room was full.  It was full of joy, of family, of relief, of love, of love of Lillian.

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Filed under UpWORD (Beauty)