I have no ability to play it cool about this, so I’m just going to say it:
This is far and away the most spectacular thing ever to happen in my and Mike’s life, and we’re completely astounded that God would give us two. TWO!
I have never talked about it on this blog, but I have wanted twins for many years. Not just wanted, craved. I’ve never really fantasized about having a baby, but twins consistently made me feel overcome with desire. This cannot be logically explained beyond the fact of what my mother said to me upon finding out I was having them.
“This isn’t like God granted your wish to have twins. You were always going to have twins because He wanted you to — so He gave you the desire in your heart to have them long before you did.”
She’s absolutely right. There’s just no other explanation.
But let’s back up, shall we? Let’s replay the scene of Mike and Abby finding out this little tidbit of information.
We found out we were pregnant shortly after Thanksgiving, and we went into the doctor for our eight-week ultrasound about three weeks later. We answered the nurse’s standard questions of our medical history and that of our families, I got checked out for overall health, and then the OB-GYN came in.
She looked exactly like Elizabeth Banks, which made me like her right away because nothing proves you’re already a good mother than judging your doctor’s professional abilities solely on youthful good looks.
She talked to us for a little bit and then opened our chart and said, “OK, looks like you don’t have twins on either side of the family, so we’ll rule that out…”
I interrupted, “Oh but I would LOVE twins!”
“It’s true, she always has,” Mike chimed in.
She blinked at me. “Why? Oh my gosh, are you serious? Well, I won’t go into all the reasons you don’t want twins, because what if you have them and then you hate me?”
She lead us down the hall to the ultrasound room and we were clearly excited, but also nervous. As I changed into the tent-like gown, Mike held my hand and told me that if there was nothing in the ultrasound, it would be OK, and we could try again, and not to worry. I agreed completely, but told him if nothing was there I would cry a little bit, but then I’d be fine. With that healthy communication out of the way, in walked the doctor.
She turned on the monitor and proceeded to move the wand around, and said, “OK there it is,” but before she could even finish that thought she gasped and said, “OH MY GOSH THERE’S TWO.” Her eyes were enormous and she pointed to the screen where we saw two tiny glowworms with hearts that fluttered like confetti.
My mind went white hot with a rising hope so intense my only way to cope was to confirm, again, and again, and again.
“Are you serious? Are you joking? Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you kidding? Are you kidding?” I said this to her in an absolute blur, talking as fast as I could while I watched her face and the screen, back and forth looking for this to be real, because if it was, my whole life just got made.
She shook her head in disbelief and said very calmly, “I’m not kidding, I’m not kidding, look right here, those are two hearts and two babies.”
I believed, but the happiness was so extreme that my heart and brain couldn’t function on a rational level, so I started laughing, laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe, laughing with the most outrageous joy I’ve ever felt in my life.
Finally I crawled out of myself enough to think…Mike. What does he think? He didn’t want twins the way I did…and I turned to him and saw the biggest smile I have ever seen on my husband’s face. His eyes were the size of sand dollars, but it’s that smile I will always remember.
We hugged in a way that conveyed everything our overwhelmed souls couldn’t express. It was the fiercest hug we’ve ever shared.
It was as if the entire night sky had exploded in that room, every twinkling star, the wide full moon. Everything in our lives was instantly transformed, instantly ruptured into a creation more beautiful than we knew possible. My uncontrollable laughter (that was still going on) was the only way I could function as I realized my most absurd, least attainable, out-of-my-control dream was coming to life. Two lives, actually.
“You’ll have to stop laughing for a second,” the doctor said while laughing herself, “or I can’t get a photo of them.” Every time she snapped a picture, one of the twins disappeared because my stomach muscles were all over the place with belly laughs.
“I will,” I said, trying to breathe, “Just one second. You are witnessing the most surreal moment of my entire life…” and I burst out laughing again, feeling exactly like the second grader who tries to hold in laughter at the most inappropriate moment. I took stuttered breaths so she could get some good shots, and then she said she couldn’t tell yet if they were identical or fraternal, but that we’d likely know at the next appointment.
When we got back to the exam room, we were on a kind of high that happens only a handful of times in a person’s lifetime. The doctor wanted to get right down to business (“I need you to understand that breastfeeding will be your full-time job”) but Mike and I kept interrupting with new revelations.
“Oh my gosh now we really need to find out the sex — there’s two!” Mike exclaimed. “And look at her hands, she’s shaking!”
I was, I couldn’t stop. I tried to listen as she told me to add 600 calories to my daily diet, but the sheer joy in my body was crowding everything else out. I couldn’t stop thinking what that must have been like for the Lord to see us — He always knew there were two, and on this day He finally got to see us be let in on the secret. It still blows my mind.
A nurse poked her head in the room after the doctor left and said, “So! You and the Duchess!” Which was like a kiss, it was so sweet of her. She couldn’t possibly know my obsession with Kate, and yet she reminded me we were pregnant together.
We went to lunch to celebrate and couldn’t even order food, due to shock. The waitress came by four times to take our orders and we hadn’t stopped gaping at each other long enough to look at the menus. Finally Mike blurted out, “I’m sorry, but we can’t order because we just found out we’re having TWINS!” She shrieked and congratulated us and then came running back five minutes later to tell us she’d told the whole staff. We just laughed.
So here we are — 21 weeks in:
The doctor told me I would measure about four weeks ahead of a woman pregnant with a singleton (can you believe doctors have this robotic word for babies who aren’t twins?), and the bump is not disappointing.
More to come…much, much more.