It’s Official: I’m Not Marrying Prince William

He’s engaged. 

Prince William asked his girlfriend of eight years, Kate Middleton, to marry him. 

To put my current previous obsession with Wills in perspective, consider this: my friend Amy sent me a text at 4:11AM telling me the news. 

Because news like this cannot wait. 

Because she knows I’ve been waiting for it. 

And because she knows I need to hear it from no one but her.

This is a woman who once collected every article written about Princess Diana for an entire year.  They were all kept under her bed, stacks and stacks of magazines and newspaper clippings of every detail of her life and tragic death.  I would go over to her house across the street and we’d pull them all out and stare at hundreds of photos.  We knew her life story, her family dynamics, her best dresses, her worst hairstyles. 

So, you could say it was picture perfect that a Prince William obsessor should get a 4AM text from a Princess Di obsessor.

We were 13 at the time, however, so it might seem silly that we care at age 26.  It might.

But I am not concerned with silliness, because I absolutely love royal weddings, and this one should prove to be more fantastic than the rest.  I cannot wait to see what style of dress she will choose, how decorated his suit will be, how many people will line the streets of London hoping to catch a glimpse.

Kate is already moving up my ladder of style icons.  People may joke about her over-the-top headpieces and formal hats, but I think they’re divine.  If it were even in the vicinity of socially acceptable in the States, I’d be sporting one every chance I got.

Given my propensity for formality and etiquette, I am eager to see the royal wedding process unfold.  I already admire their delayed announcement and press call, so the couple could have some private time to celebrate.  And in an age of reality TV and totally lack of privacy, I respect their decision not to share the details of how he proposed. 

These are the times when I mourn my lack of celebrity.  If I were at least a successful actress or daughter of a President, I might have a chance at an invitation.  As a Seattleite with no claim to fame, I probably won’t need to watch the mail too closely.

Which really is a shame, because I would have rocked a killer headpiece for that event.

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20 Comments

Filed under Good WORD (Etiquette)

20 responses to “It’s Official: I’m Not Marrying Prince William

  1. I hereby mourn and rejoice with you. My childhood best friend, Laura, and I relate most deeply with you and Amy.

  2. Amy

    Love this…my fingers couldn’t get the text out quickly enough!!

  3. Catlyn

    I, too, shed a tear this morning when I saw the news. My dad bought me a People book that was all about Prince William when I was in junior high. I had two posters of him on my wall…and he covered my notebook as well. I figured I still had a chance, but alas, he’s engaged to Kate now. Let’s go to England and sneak into the ceremony.

    • abbyreph

      I had no idea we shared this obsession! I always knew, however, that you had good taste.

      • Dana

        I agree that such a dedicated obssessor … uh … “fan” should be in London for this momentous occasion. Rumored to be the biggest thing in nearly 30 years!

  4. Half the world heard her speak for the first time ever today. How strange is that to think about, in a time where everyone gets attacked by paparazzi and such….

    Anyways, lets have a royal themed birthday party for you. Everyone has to wear a Kate(sorry, we’re supposed to call her Catherine now)-esque hat. Then it will be socially acceptable. And you can pretend you married Wills.

  5. Siri

    I am sorry for your loss.

    Hi Mikey!

    Seriously, though, who needs a prince when you have a sock monkey?

    • abbyreph

      I couldn’t have said it better myself.

      • WBO Biggest Fan

        Seriously! The Sockmonkey is far superior to Sir William for the following reasons:

        -A better hair line (or lack thereof)
        -Is less formal; you can wear those nasty “but they’re comfortable!!” high school gym sweatpants you replaced with your Lululemon’s around Sockmonkey, at any date he takes you on
        -Doesn’t have an “I’m better than you” accent; when Sockmonkey yells at you at 3am “Abby…ABBY!!!” its the same sound as when he’s cooing you to sleep at 10pm
        -A royal taste tester looking for poison to kill a royal couldn’t taint the bananas that Sockmonkey gives you!

  6. Abby!
    My friend from here called me as soon as it was released, and then hung up on me as I wasn’t as excited as she expected. Haha!
    Also, we went to Bath this past weekend and went to the fashion museum because they had all of Diana’s most famous dresses on display-COOL!
    Miss ya!

  7. Warren

    Well, Abs, perhaps your mother can still be elected President and she would be a good one, so you can still be the daughter of the Prez. and the resultant reflected fame!!!

  8. Nina

    girlfriend of eight years? all you die hard fans, please explain the hold up.

    • Erin

      Here comes Nina with the reality check! Thank you! Although, to be legally called ‘princess’ I, too, would have waited at least eight years.

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