Category Archives: UpWORD (Beauty)

April 20, 2011 · 8:48 PM

Confessions of a Bookworm

Some families value brute strength, raw intelligence or classic good looks.  Mine values reading at a breakneck pace.

I come from a gene pool where all of the swimmers lie on inflatable rafts with book and beverage in hand.  We excel at reading, bordering on the obsessive.  In my house growing up, no one followed television plot lines nearly as closely as those of their books.  My sister was my hero because she could crank through several books a week. It would seem I was destined to be a voracious reader.

And I was.  In second grade I was placed in the highest ranking of readers (remember when books were rated level one, two or three?  I was a three, natch).  I would always count down the minutes to SSR (Silent Sustained Reading) which was usually 30 minutes a day.  I thought it was very odd that some students in my class would moan as if in pain when this time arrived.  They would put down their books five minutes into SSR and stare at the ceiling or draw on their own arms.  I thought they were crazy to stare into the abyss when they could be learning what happened next in their (clearly) level one reader.

Of course as I got older I realized the tricky line I was dancing on (falling rapidly over) between being smart and being a total nerd.  Who reads for fun?  Who goes to the library when it’s not mandated?  Needless to say, I did.

I remember hearing one of my high school classmates, Liz Read (yes, that was her real last name), describe how she used to have girls over for sleepovers but she would suggest reading side-by-side as an activity.  These girlfriends did not understand why she would want to do this.  Upon hearing this, I deeply regretted not knowing Liz in elementary school, because I would have brought ten books to her house.

So I read and read my way through school.  True, there was the blackout period of 2002 – 2006, also known as college.  But who was reading in college?

As soon as I graduated, it occurred to me that I could get back to reading for fun.  But where to start?  I felt like I had missed a decade of good writing and the thought of trying to catch up was utterly exhausting.  So I started with memoirs, which are a good a place to start as any.

But then I ran out.

What book to read next?

How to proceed?

And then, like a literary mirage in the desert of information, it came:  Goodreads.com.

Of course this information came to me from none other than a real life librarian.  You already know her from her adventures in the jungle of public schools — Ms. Amy Hofmann.  If this sort of technology can rock the average reader’s life, can you imagine what it did for a librarian?

Goodreads is basically Facebook for books.   You create a profile, list books you’ve read, list books you want to read, and then you become friends with other readers so you can see what they’re reading and then choose your next book based on how they rated theirs.  It’s absolutely brilliant.  I even got my mom to join (and why wouldn’t she, when she reads like a book a day?).

It’s so obvious that Goodreads was created by super-duper book nerds.  They have things like “Reading Challenges” so that if you weren’t obsessive enough, you can now decide how many books you are  going to read in 2011 and Goodreads will keep track of your progress.  The other day, my Reading Challenge left me a message saying I am 9% behind.  This angered me enough to leave a post that said “but my book is 1,200 pages!”

This was a one-step-forward-two-step-back scenario.  In defending myself, I only proved to be a bigger dork.

The other life-altering reading development in the last year has been the addition of a Kindle to my bookshelf.  At first these devices morally offended me (I NEED to turn my pages), but once I realized I could use them to travel I was totally convinced.

This was me on our last trip to Cabo.  I was in this exact position for the majority of  the vacation.

Being on the plane with five books that take up a sliver of space was utterly liberating.  I will say that, as a frequenter of the library, paying for these digital books is painful (they’re usually $9.99) but when you consider the alternative of carrying three large books for your whole trip, it’s a quick decision.

The catch?  I married a non-reader.  This reduces my reading time significantly, and also serves to increase my identity as nerd-reader, if only by comparison.

However, I am finding that I am fine with this, because it means I’ll never have to encounter that hairiest of reader pet-peeves: the over-the-shoulder reader (shudder).

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January 25, 2011 · 3:44 PM

Rephs 1, Carbs 0

As cliché as it is to write this in the month of January, I am on a diet.

Mike and I decided to eat healthier and lose a little weight in the process, and we just happen to have a trip to Cabo on the horizon for that extra hit of motivation.  Nothing like exposed flesh to make you reach for that proverbial carrot (or in this case, a literal carrot).

We have always been very active, running about three times a week and doing yoga once a week.  But the more we researched, the more we realized that food and exercise fall into that most classic of rules: 80/20.  It turns out that working out like a fiend while eating whatever one wants isn’t as effective as eating really well and working out moderately. 

And let’s face it: any excuse to work out less is music to one’s ears, am I right?

So, after a few Bing searches for easy-to-follow diets, we decided on the 4 Hour Body.  It’s written by the same man who wrote 4 Hour Workweek, which is a major bestseller, but from what I’ve heard infuriates a lot of people (the concept is so simple, yet almost impossible to apply).

We didn’t even bother to buy the book, since all of the rules were listed online.  It really is quite simple:

1.  No white carbs (we had to resist hosting a funeral to pay our respects to our favorite foods: rice, pasta, and bread).

2.  No fruit (ouch.  I usually eat two pieces of fruit a day).

3.  Don’t drink your calories (sayanara, beer.  Though you are allowed two glasses of red wine per day…clearly this is the life raft we cling to).

4.  Eat the same meals over and over (well, when you can only have certain foods, you tend to repeat them).

5.  Take one day off a week  (sweet Moses Saturdays!! Sign me up!!).

We started on Jan 3, so it’s been three weeks.  We’ve each lost a pound per week, which supposedly is the healthiest way to lose.   We haven’t changed our exercise routine, though if we miss a workout we feel far less guilt, because we can easily turn to each other and say, “Who cares?  We’re eating so well!”

Not that eating well is easy. 

The two of us at a restaurant is not a pretty sight.  A mere three seconds after opening the menu one of us says, “But, OK, like what if we traded this meal for one meal on our day off?  That would work, right?  I mean, really, what’s the difference?” 

That’s when the other one of us has to turn into a drill sergeant and yell, “Pull yourself together, Reph!  You’ll order a salad and YOU’LL LIKE IT.”

But honestly, it wasn’t until this diet that we realized how carb-heavy restaurants really are.  If we’re looking for anything more interesting than a salad, we may be looking for a very long time.

Last week we ate out with another couple at a Thai restaurant (read: noodle universe) and Mike found the only way he could be satisfied is if he ordered half of a chicken.  Nothing else.  It was the strangest looking plate. 

I ordered stir fry.

Waiter:  And white or brown rice?

Me:  (Gritting teeth, barely able to get the words out) Ahhhhhh, no rice.

Waiter:  (Eyebrows raised higher than the ceiling) Um, Okaaaaaaay.

It’s reactions like this that motivate us to invite people to our house rather than accept their invitations to eat out.  If we plan ahead, it’s really easy to cook according to this diet at home.   

And even though it’s gotten easier (I no longer fantasize about a French baguette dipped in olive oil), it’s still not something I could continue indefinitely.  We’re only planning on doing it for a month, and that’s because life without pasta, rice and bread is not a life I want to live forever.

…though since I do want to live as long as possible, I’m going to scale back the consumption of carbs even after the middle of February.  I’m going to try to see them as treats, rather than the incomparable force of nature that they are.

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December 14, 2010 · 11:28 AM

On Eating My Words

Despite being one of the thriftiest people on Earth, I abhor shopping at Ross. 

And TJ Maxx.

And Nordstrom Rack.

And any place that requires an inordinate amount of “digging” to find what I need.  One would think that a cheap-o like me would call TJ Maxx my mecca, but one would be forgetting that my need for organization will always, always trump my frugality.

I have needed structure and order for as long as I can remember.  Not an obsessive compulsive, lock-and-unlock-the-door-six-times type, but enough that walking into a store with rows and rows of clothes makes me want to turn around and flee.

Did I mention my other disorder, commitment-phobia?  When it takes decades to make seemingly insignificant decisions (which boot?  Black or brown?  Knee-length or ankle?), it becomes nearly impossible to make decisions if nothing is in its proper place.  How do I know if I’ve seen all of my paralyzing options if they are strewn down an aisle?

Last week, however, I had to make a concession:  I was throwing a party, I needed decor, and I needed it cheap. 

And I knew exactly what this meant.

I Binged all the thrift stores I could think of, and was a little embarrassed to find so many of them in such close proximity to my home.  How did I not realize they were there before? 

Anyway.

I walked into Ross and braced myself for feeling like a arachnophobe in a store full of spiders.  But as I made my way to the back of the store I saw the rows upon rows of glass vases — exactly what I was looking for.  I bent over to pick one up to check its price tag, and nearly dropped it to its death on the tile floor — $4.99!  Was I hallucinating?  Is this a joke?  Or is this Merry Christmas to me?

I quickly stashed every last one of them in my cart, totally convinced that I had just snagged the deal of the year and surely 15 angry women would be coming around the corner to claim their vases too. 

Jingle Bell Rock tinged in the background as I had these paranoid thoughts.  No angry women.  Just Jingle Bell Rock.

I hurried around the rest of the store convinced I was going to find a hundred other things I couldn’t live without, but sadly, Ross only had one treasure to offer me that day (or any day).

My next stop was Tuesday Morning, which was so chaotic and out-of-order that I almost reconsidered before making it past the front door.  I walked down two aisles and saw that their glass vases were $9.99 — apparently not all discount stores are created equal.  I felt a surge of pride at my wise Ross choice.

And even though Michael’s isn’t a discount store, it is decidedly crafty, and I had hopes it would be cheap.  It was not.  Not only did they not have anything I could use, but they had things I couldn’t use that were overpriced.  I moved on quickly.

Twenty minutes later I was standing in Target because I couldn’t think of any more discount stores.  Target had exactly the ornaments and ribbon I was looking for, but I realized that I felt like a failure for paying full price.  And since I was in a such a panic about not being able to find more things I needed, I bought twice the ornaments necessary, grossly overestimating the size of my glass vases.

When I got home and started putting the vases and ornaments together, I realized that the vases were filthy.  They were completely covered in dust and I spent 15 minutes hand washing each one.  At first I was irritated, but that feeling quickly dissipated each time I turned a vase over to clean the base and saw the price tag.  Yes, I thought to myself, I am willing to spend 15 minutes for $4.99 vases.  Who wouldn’t?

I feel like I owe an apology to discount stores everywhere: Why do I judge you when you are so good to me?

The decorations worked really well, and I was thrilled with the look.  In fact, I got several compliments on them throughout the evening, and now I am going to use them to decorate our home for Christmas.

I am secretly hoping that someone comes to my house and asks about my vases.  I am looking for an opportunity to sound exactly like the radio commercial, “I got it at Ross!”

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