Yesterday at Steven’s Pass, Mike, Annie and I boarded a chairlift with what turned out to be a very precocious 7-year-old, who was wearing a helmet covered in neon-pink spandex in the shape of a pig’s head. The following is as true a story as I can retell without the aid of a digital recorder.
Annie: The conditions are pretty much perfect. If it was snowing I wouldn’t even be here.
Abby: Really? Because of visibility, or the —
Pig Helmet Girl: LOOK! SKI SCHOOLERS!
Annie: Uh, yeah…there’s some ski schoolers down there…do you take lessons?
Pig Helmet Girl: NO. I don’t need them.
Annie: Oh, that’s great! How long have you been skiing?
Pig Helmet Girl: Since I was one and three-quarters.
Abby: Wow. That’s young.
Mike: I don’t think I was even walking.
Annie: I think I started when I was like 12 or so, which, honestly, was sooo long ago.
Pig Helmet Girl: How old ARE you?
Annie: Twenty-five. Old. I’m so old.
Mike: You’re old balls.
Abby: Inappropriate.
Pig Helmet Girl: I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
Abby: (silence, pretending this isn’t happening)
Abby: (deciding to finally address the pig helmet) I like your helmet!
Pig Helmet Girl: (silence, pretending this isn’t happening)
Annie: I’m cold.
Abby: Oh, it’s because you don’t have your hat with you…even your ears look cold. They’re turning red!
Pig Helmet Girl: MAN ARE THEY RED. YOUR EARS ARE REALLY RED. AND THEY’RE SQUISHED BY YOUR GOGGLES SO THEY ARE RED AND SQUISHED.
Annie: Um, thanks.
Mike: So last night we were at the Triple Door, and you wouldn’t believe this band. It was the most obnoxious wedding-singer cover band we’d ever seen.
Abby: And you’ll never believe their name — “Dudley Manlove.” Seriously.
Annie: Oh my gaw, I love it.
Abby: I think the real low point was when we heard the opening strands of “It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone…”
Annie: Tom Jones! Yes!
Pig Helmet Girl: TOM JONES!? (bursts into song) SHE’S A LAAAADYYYYY…WHOA WHOA WHOA SHE’S A LADY!
Abby/Annie/Mike: (nearly fall off chairlift due to hyperventilating laughter)
Annie: You know Tom Jones?
Pig Helmet Girl: Of course.
And without further explanation, we ski off the lift.
RSS Feed
"In good writing, WORDS BECOME ONE with things." 
Bwahahaha! I am dying!!! How did you ever recover?
It was totes overwhelming.
What type of animal were you wearing on your head? Or were you just gambling that brain damage wouldn’t occur when you wipe out and hit the tree. Hello – Sonny Bono?
If you can tell me one day in your life that you’ve worn a helmet on the slopes, then we can have this conversation.
Never mind.
too funny…. kinda makes me think of the random silly things Abi says. I need to keep a journal.
It’s my casual observation that awkWORD humor seems to be winning he prize for the largest category in this blog. It may have come with the marriage license…..